October 20th - A Day that Forever Changed My Life

Given that I was very intentional in choosing the date to release my podcast, I share the following.

My tattoo reads "I Heal".

October 20th is a significant day for me because on this day, thirty one years ago, I went to the Mormon temple for the first time. I was 19 at that time and it was the day when I would begin to be put under a more intense Mormon “spell” that comes from participating in the Mormon temple rituals. So that you are aware, there is SIGNIFICANT pressure put upon Mormons to attend the temple as much as possible, with weekly attendance being the standard goal. As a member I attended frequently, at least once a week, sometimes more. It was here where I promised over and over and over again - with a bowed head and an arm raised to the square - to submit myself to my husband, to give everything to the church, and to follow the Mormon prophet in all things. 

Several years after leaving the church, I was curious and decided to listen to the main Mormon temple ritual that is available online* to see how I felt about it. Chills went down my back and I could not listen to what I was hearing for long. Even those I was with, who had never heard the temple ceremony before, could not believe what they were hearing! It was eerie in a not so good way. The voice that the listener hears throughout, speaking the same words each and every time, is no doubt a form of mind control. It is robotic and it is always a man’s voice that is heard. What I could not see when I was a member was as clear as the day after I left - regular temple attendance retains believers and keeps them under a spell that is difficult to break. 

The main temple ceremony is called the Endowment and it is one of the biggest and most secretive rituals within Mormonism. Even members know very little about what takes place prior to going for the first time. What I discovered when I began to do serious research about the church, using resources that were not “approved” by the church, was that the temple ceremony was nearly identical to freemasonry. Joseph Smith was a freemason, which I did not know until doing my research and he took what he had learned there and created the Mormon temple ceremony. Just as in freemasonry, there are covenants entered into, secret handshakes, gestures, phrases being spoken in unison, and temple clothing that is put on during the ceremony. Upon entering for the first time, members also go through a private ritual of washing and anointing, which when I went through, I was told to become naked - then covered only by a drape - and women touched me near my sexual organs without my permission. As a Mormon we are not taught well what is and is not appropriate when it comes to touch.

October 20th also marked another significant milestone in my life. On this day in 2017 it would place me on the beginning of my journey in ultimately leaving Mormonism. The Mormon church released a document that literally put me in the fetal position on the floor and caused me to enter a serious depression for weeks. It was because of the issues I faced from my past that I began to ask questions such as, “Who is God? What does repentance REALLY mean? Why must I continue to pay for my ‘sins’ when I am taught that Jesus died for me?” 

Looking back at that point in my life, I could not see that God had a hold of me and would lead me on a path that would ultimately help me to reclaim my life. I had to walk for a time through a very thick darkness that was almost more than I was able to bear; but eventually, I was blessed to see the Light. Looking back I can recognize that I was not walking through this part of my life alone, though it sure felt that way for a long time. 

What I could not see then is that I would eventually be led to a place of freedom, freed from the things that were holding me bound, controlling me in ways that were oppressive, abusive, and suffocating - both the Mormon church and abusive men. 

It has been a journey like no other and for me, I feel a great sense of awe that I was chosen to live through the life that I have. I continue to be excited to share more and more with you about my life in hopes that it may help any who are needing someone to show the way out of abuse and into a space of healing. There is a way to gain the strength to take back our own power if it has been lost. Thankfully, we live at a time when it is becoming easier for women to get out of the situations that would hold them bound. No, it is not initially easy but there is support that has not been there for women in the past. We can forge new paths that our mothers and grandmothers could and/or would not take.

I will continue to write and share my thoughts with you and thank you for supporting me as I work to do this. In addition to reading what I write, I would be honored to have you join me as I add to my movement my podcast. Please head over to The Modern Day Pioneer Podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcast and take a listen to more of what I share regarding this special day. I would sincerely appreciate it if you chose to follow my journey and to share this with any you feel would benefit.

As one who continues to learn and grow, and with so much gratitude in my heart for finding my way out of Mormonism, I know for a fact that the trajectory of the future can look different from the past! If we can believe it, we can make it happen!

With so much love and support to you,

The Modern Day Pioneer™

*It is forbidden to record the temple ceremony. It has been done and made available online by someone who has broken this rule and I admire them for their bravery in doing so.