Evolution

One night, I was lying in bed, thinking about the painful reality that one of my children will not speak to me or allow me to have any contact with his family now that I am no longer a Mormon. As I wrestled with this truth, I began questioning myself as a mother. Was I really THAT big of a failure as a mother? 

In that moment of self-examination, an unexpected thought entered my mind — evolution.

For much of my life, I did not believe in the concept of evolution. Within Mormonism, the teachings focused on the idea that God created us as we are, leaving no room for the idea of change, adaptation, or growth over time. As a faithful member, anything that challenged the belief system I was raised in was automatically dismissed as deception. When the secular world taught me about evolution in school, I did not give it serious consideration. (See end notes for examples of Mormon teachings I believed regarding evolution.)

Until recently, I had not considered the deeper consequences of these beliefs — not just in science, but in life. A rigid worldview that denies evolution also denies the possibility of transformation. And this became painfully clear as I realized that one of the greatest challenges I now face in my relationship with my son is rooted in this very conflict. He cannot accept that I have changed. For him, my leaving Mormonism is not simply about walking away from a faith; it is, in his mind, a betrayal of stability. I have evolved — and while I thank God that I have — it has created separation and pain within my family.

And this tension isn’t limited to one son. Another relationship carries a similar wound. Recently, I was in the process of reconciling with a different son after years of estrangement following my divorce and departure from Mormonism. During one of our conversations, I asked him, “What did I do that caused you to take so long to speak to me?” After all, more than two years had passed without contact.

His answers surprised me. Some reasons I could understand, but one in particular caught me off guard. He said that in his mind, his father had stayed consistent while I had changed. At first, I wanted to push back, but then I paused. He was right. I had changed. I evolved.

Sitting with him in that moment, I was able to acknowledge his truth without anger. I responded, “You’re right — I am not the same. And thank goodness I am not the same!”

Yet as meaningful as that moment was, the initial reconciliation did not lead to the healing I had hoped for. Estrangement still remains between us, and that reality continues to weigh heavily on my heart.

As much as I wish for appreciation and respect from my sons for the journey I have taken to reclaim and heal myself, I also know that I played a part in shaping their worldview. I helped indoctrinate them into a system that demanded I remain on a pedestal — meek, controlled, and submissive. My decision to leave Mormonism shattered that illusion. I am now living proof of change, and Mormonism does not tolerate change. To evolve is to betray the faith.

I think one of the greatest tragedies of my experience within Mormonism was how deeply it shaped my view of myself. The constant self-loathing and the belief that I was a second-class citizen turned me into someone I was not. For much of my adult life, I overcompensated for what I had been taught were “sins,” when in reality, they were only symptoms of my abuse. I looked at other women in the faith — those who seemed to have it all together — and I tried to emulate their extremism. In doing so, I betrayed my true self. That betrayal was not fair to me, nor to my family.

Now, as I reflect on this through the lens of evolution, I see that my journey has been about

shedding false layers and returning to who I truly am. Evolution, at its core, is change — growth born from struggle, adaptation, and truth. My leaving Mormonism was not a failure, but a necessary step in reclaiming myself. What once felt like loss, I now understand as transformation. Just as nature evolves to survive and thrive, I, too, have evolved beyond the constraints of a belief system that demanded conformity at the expense of authenticity.

This isn’t just about me and my sons. It’s about the larger system we were all raised in. Mormonism conditions people to equate sameness with righteousness. To change, when it is in contrast to Mormonism, is to fail. To grow, when it is outside of Mormonism, is to rebel. But I now see clearly: my healing, my freedom, and my wholeness required me to break away from that illusion.

It is a strange and liberating place to be — on the outside of a faith I once clung to so tightly. I can understand the fears inside my estranged sons, because I once shared them. I too was terrified of change, convinced that leaving the church would mean misery, confusion, and destruction. I too prayed, cried, and pleaded with God to fix my struggles while doing everything I could to follow the endless rules of obedience. And still, no matter how hard I tried, I suffered.

It was only when I gained the courage to step away, to walk another path, that healing began. And I evolved.

Though I grieve the loss of closeness with two of my sons, I rejoice in the truth that I have found myself — and in finding myself, I have found God. I was once taught that leaving Mormonism would leave me lost, miserable, and disconnected. Nothing could be further from the truth.

As I journey further from the faith of my ancestors, I see more clearly than ever that much of what I was taught was an illusion designed to control me as a woman. What I once thought was faith was actually submission. What I once believed was obedience was actually coercion.

In breaking free, I found not despair but freedom. True freedom. The kind that connects me directly to God — without middlemen, without fear, without control.

That freedom is the gift of evolution. To live. To love. To grow. To heal. To become.

-The Modern Day Pioneer™

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* Voices of Church Leaders: Opposition to Evolution

While the Church itself takes no formal position beyond the above statements, many leaders have personally expressed strong rejection of evolutionary theory:

• Joseph Fielding Smith (President) Famously asserted: “If evolution is true, the Church is false. … No Adam, no Fall; no Fall, no atonement…” RedditWikipediaDialogue Journal

• Bruce R. McConkie (Apostle) Declared: “There is no harmony between the truths of revealed religion and the theories of organic evolution.” FAIRWikipedia

• Boyd K. Packer (Apostle) Delivered firm denials about human evolution: “It is false!” regarding evolution of humankind, and called theistic evolution equally false Dialogue JournalBy Common Consent, a Mormon Blogloyaltotheword.synthasite.comFAIR.

• Ezra Taft Benson (President) Compared evolution to socialism and rationalism—urged members to use Joseph Fielding Smith’s writings to oppose it Wikipedialoyaltotheword.synthasite.com.

• Russell M. Nelson (President) In a 2007 Pew Forum interview: “To think that man evolved from one species to another is, to me, incomprehensible. Man has always been man…”